It’s taken me more than two weeks to sit down and pen a reflection of the past year. It’s hard to find words, but perhaps I could describe it as a wooden roller coaster. It began with uncertainty, created an awareness of present danger, accelerated through whiplash turns and twists, and resulted in severe neck and back pain. A graceless ride with no safety guarantees that I knowingly mounted and desperately held on to. Feeling lucky to be on the other side, I can now appreciate the lessons that I’m left with.

January and February I spent the last of my liquid savings bumming around southern Mozambique diving and irresponsibly applying for grad school. I had a job offer, but no contract, and no timeline for a start date. I returned to Kenya in February and very quickly picked up the reigns at Pamoja Life – see previous posts. Imagine seeing a burning building, as an untrained civilian, and with every good intention running into it with a bucket of water. That was March and April. I found a garden hose in May, and then suffered a drought from June until November, praising a down pour in December. Still with me?

This was a year for growth, through trial by fire (metaphorically). Professionally, personally, and physically. I suffered more than six months of debilitating stomach ulcers, forced myself through changing dietary restrictions, and have taken enough antibiotics to develop the next generation of MRSA. Just kidding…

And I was angry. Scrolling through my Facebook feed last year was difficult – I think it was for all of us. Confronting global crises in health, climate, terrorism, slavery, war, and gender – among other things. Seeing and feeling constant rage. My Uber rating went from a 4.4 to a 4.3, and embarrassing indication of my dangerously high “Give-a-fuck” meter. I gave a lot of fucks last year, and it consumed me.

On the bright side? I made it to the top of Kilimanjaro through the Western Breach. I relearned how to ride a motorcycle. I got a matching tattoo with a bestie. I spent a week in India digging up family treasures. I got my open water, advanced, and wreck diving certifications. I started training for a half Ironman. I spent Christmas with my family for the first time in 3 years, and my heart grew three times it’s size!

I digress…

I let slip a quiet sigh of relief when the clock struck midnight on NYE. I thought, “Hey, I did it.”

My new years’ resolutions are very personal this year, but I’d like to share them:

1. Assuming the best intentions from everyone. Taking time to consider alternate context, and interact with more flexibility and understanding.
2. Spending time doing things I used to love. Writing, singing, art, and most of all triathlon.
3. Making the space to rediscover who I am, and what I believe. Giving up alcohol and other distractions, listening to my body, mind, and spirit.
4. Being honest about what I want and need, and honoring that even when it doesn’t please others.
5. Cherishing friendships. Spending more time, extending more patience, and doing all the little things that make the biggest difference.
6. Giving less fucks. Life doesn’t get better the more you stress about it. It just becomes harder to recognize the positive.

On day 10 of 2018, I feel good. I returned this past weekend from a solo week in the south of Portugal. I did a diving certification that scared the shit out of me. I spent time alone, crying, laughing, singing and dancing. I cooked simple meals, and walked the beach every morning. I got to know myself just a little better, and look forward to doing that just a little more often.

Cheers to the years full of tears; the lessons we learn, the respect we earn, and the love that we find in return.