Today marks the thousandth “first” since I started working with Pamoja Life. Only this first, is in fact a last.

When I applied for the Product & Operations Manager at Pamoja Life, my insecurities around commitment were called into question. My resume is an impressive collection of meaningful experiences filled with intention, learning, and achievement; none of which have exceeded two years. I was determined to break the cycle, and dedicate myself to longevity and the benefits that come with it. Being a millennial is hard.

And so I did. I threw myself into my work with more force and dedication than I knew I had. I drove myself nuts, often dreaming about work (sometimes my dreams even helped creative problem solving). I worked myself into several prolonged bouts of  stress and illness, and day after day I poured my heart and soul into my company. I felt not-good-enough on a daily basis calling the shots on pivotal decisions.

To this day, and for each and every day of the last 18 months, I know I was living the dream. I look back and wish I’d had a clone, maybe 10 more hours in each day, and ‘successful recruitment’ as a super power, but through all the challenges, I loved every second of it. It tested me, and broke me, in ways I’d never imagined.

Today was another test – one of humility and strength. I sat around a table with each member of the remaining team, most of which had worked for Pamoja Life long before me, and listened as they expressed gratitude and sadness. As they thanked God for the time they’d spent at Pamoja Life, and promised prayers for their fellow colleagues during an uncertain time.

Today was the first time I closed a company. And as we sat there on our last day together, holding back tears, I felt humbled and grateful. I also felt a little bit ashamed of how selfish I’d been over the last 18 months. Through the ups and downs, I’d mostly focused on how I’d felt. I hadn’t fully considered that this company, our team, was their family too.

To say that I’ve grown, is an understatement. To know that the significance of this experience is far greater than my tired mind can comprehend (right now) is all I can muster.

I depart for a two-month sabbatical next week. Some time for reflection, fun, and a few other cool things… (rubs hands together sneakily!) Stay tuned for the next new beginning.